Availabilty

We often measure availability as a good trait and positive construct. We praise the kind of person who is “always there when I need them”, or “will drop everything and run”. Don’t get me wrong, those are admirable traits…to and for the right people.

On the flip side of things always being available is a gift and a curse. Being available means I’m a good friend, I got your back, I’m here for you etc etc. It also is the vehicle that drives people down the road of complacency. “I don’t have XYZ? It’s fine because I know my Ride or Die got it.” “Shit, I fucked up?…no worries, my go to is going to clean this up”.

That teaches certain people that they don’t have to work things out on their own or come up with a solution to their problem. EYE (I) am not the solution to your problems. Now I can absolutely be that support, that encouragement, that shoulder to lean on but don’t take advantage of that.

Know the difference between when you’re being available to someone and being someone’s safety net. There are some things in life (some might even argue, most things in life) that you have to handle on your own. You cannot slack on your responsibilities or be lax on them because you know if shit hits the fan you have people you can count on. It’s selfish. 1: You’re neglecting to think about what your ride or die or go to person has going on in their own life. Life is REAL. A lot of times we get wrapped up in our own shit and forget that other people always experience shit. 2. You put an unnecessary weight/guilt on your go to people by putting them in uncomfortable situations. I don’t want to have to have uncomfortable conversations about why I can’t help you this time.

A “no” or “I can’t” should be a simple answer right? Even so that seems to be hard for us when it comes to people that we care about. I want everyone around me to be good and in a good space but you should also want that for me.

Know that when you bring people into your issues all the time you’re taking away from them dealing with their personal issues.

Don’t read this and think I’m telling you not to be a good friend, partner, daughter, son, wife or husband. I’m just saying that sometimes it’s perfectly okay to say no. If I always help you through the same issue, or handle the same issue for you, you now become dependent and choose not to find a solution of your own.

 

Slow & steady wins the race

I know, I know 🙄. It’s cliche. It’s not what you want to hear and it’s damn sure not what I want to hear. It’s true though. Hear me out…

How many times have you rushed through something and made careless mistakes? How many times have you bought something on impulse and see that same item a few days later for a lower price? How many times did you just go with the first option and later found out the second option was better?

I know you related to at least one of those scenarios. Now we all know there is no way that we can 100% account for those situations all the time. My point is that acting impulsively might set you back further than you were to begin with.

Sometimes it’s not good to cut corners or take the fast way out or even the cheaper way out. In this society we are so obsessed with instant gratification that we forget about logic when making a decision.

I can speak from personal experience that it is extremely difficult to stay the course or have patience when everyone else seems to be zipping by or even when you feel like you should be further on your path. So I’m writing this for me just as much for you. Stay your course. What is for you will come.

Now I’m definitely not saying sit back with your feet up and wait for things to come to you. What I am saying is that hard work HAS to pay off. 🤷🏽‍♀️.

Sometimes our “pay off” comes in ways we weren’t checking for. It’s not always a direct correlation but another door always opens. Kinda like a puzzle, you just go with it putting whatever pieces together with the goal being the bigger picture. We use different strategies but the goal is always the same.

Stay strong ✊🏽

Tired 🙄

I grow tired & weary of people. Tired of “selling myself”, tired of people trying to take advantage and tired of the expectation that settling is better than nothing. To all of that I say…FOH.

Who says you can’t have it all? Who says you have to be traditional? Who says you can’t have fun and work?

What is your passion? What drives you? What motivates you?

Feed yourself! Physically…Mentally & Emotionally. I’m leading to do that more and more each day.

I’ve started something new…vlogging

For me it was about stepping out of my comfort zone, expressing myself, having fun and simply being. So check me out at the link below & get to know me better ☺️

Welcome to my channel!

The struggle is real…

Hi everyone!

I’ve been gone for some time but I’m working on being better (don’t roll your eyes). In the meantime check me out on social media:

Instagram

Twitter

Podcast

YouTube

Now that I’ve plugged myself shamelessly…here’s a few updates

-I’m working on branding and/or rebranding (email me/comment some tips)

– Took my licensing exam for social work & passed (LMSW *whoot whoot*)

-We are on episode 16 of my podcast! (link above). Honestly it has some great content, sometimes controversial but guaranteed to make you think. Guaranteed laughs and definitely relatable. Check it out, give feedback and recommend some podcasts for me to check out. Please & thank you 🙂

-I feel like I’m on the brink of something great. I don’t know why but I do.

Quick check in but I’ll be back sooner than later.

“I’ll f*** up a good thing if you let me.”

Back with the 4am thoughts.

Self sabatoge is a real thing. You ever feel like something is too good to be true? I think we all have. When you feel like that we are often waiting for “the catch” or something negative to happen. Sometimes when we can’t see “the catch” or something negative doesn’t happen…we create it.

Hear me out…

Sometimes we ask for something & we want it so bad! Then when we get it or it finally happens, we don’t know what to do. We have the deer in headlights look. What I have learned is that life and its experiences isn’t a “one size fits all” kinda thing. My actions and behaviors in one setting won’t necessarily apply or benefit me in other situations. When something causes us to change up how we would normally react it’s like we get nervous. We act out of uncertainty and doubt. Sometimes we don’t even notice it.

We all know someone (even if it’s yourself), who has so much potential, the world is their oyster ( lol I’m not ever saying that again…it’s corny/cliche but you know what I mean), but yet they can’t advance. Advance in anything…personal, emotionally, financially, career wise, whatever. It’s mostly because they or we never thought we would be in this position.

We spend all the time in the world fantasizing about having something but not enough time thinking about what we would do when we get it. A part of that is self doubt. I never thought I would achieve this or accomplish that, so I didn’t think about or plan what would come next.

Self sabatoge is real! How you think and view yourself is one of the biggest determining factors on what you will accomplish. It matters none if everyone around you believes in you but you don’t believe in you. If you don’t believe you can or should have something, why would you ever think about what to do when you got it?

I’m 100% my biggest critic. If you don’t think you’re good enough for something, you’re not going to be good enough for it. Our thoughts directly influence our actions. That being said…let’s be mindful of how we think and the vibes we put out. Be confident in you, your abilities and your adaptability. Just because it’s not something you’re used to doesn’t mean you can’t get used to it or handle it. Stop looking for something to go wrong or you just mind end up creating “the wrong”. Appreciate things for what they are.

Can’t “save” everyone

You can want the world for someone but it won’t matter if they don’t want the same for themselves. So many times we offer advice and encouragement to people based on what we think will better their situation. Unfortunately some people only learn the hard way. Sometimes we try to save someone from experiencing what we’ve experienced, or someone we know has experienced. “Don’t save em’, they don’t wanna be saved”

Most disappointment comes from expecting something for or from someone that they can’t see themselves doing. This post isn’t meant to be a Debbie downer, more of a reality check. Sometimes people have to go through something in order to grow through it. We need to respect that. Everyone has their own path and sometimes that means they’re not going to the “conventional” way.

Sometimes I find myself getting so frustrated with this. But…that’s when you have to ask yourself “did I do all I could do?” I’m not here to tell anyone what to do or how to do it. I’m just here to offer help and advice when it’s asked for.

I slacked…again

I haven’t blogged in a few days ( I know, I know 🤦🏽‍♀️). I feel like I’ve been all over the place mentally lately. It’s 3:51, I should be asleep but clearly my mind had other plans.   I figured I might as well get these thoughts off…

1. Jay-Z album dropped and I like it 👌🏾. I didn’t really have expectations for it which was good because I hate to expect something and then be let down lol. He dropped a lot of gems on there and I hope ppl take note. The one thing that’s been annoying since his album release is that ppl  are trying to normalize infidelity 🙄. “Hov cheated and Beyoncé didn’t leave” (once again…🙄). The responses kill me too “y’all don’t have Hov money”. Stop making it seem like cheating is okay and everyone should do it…it’s not. Stop making it seem like it’s more acceptable to cheat if you have a certain amount of money. It isn’t. Ppl cheat for different reason but stop thinking that someone has to stay because you cheated 🤦🏽‍♀️.

2. I wish that there could be some kind of movement where more ppl focused on building up their communities. Why can’t that be a sign that we “made it” ?

3. Communication is really key but for some reason it’s often overlooked or the hardest thing for some of us to do.

4. The internet/media will have you gassed. “Why spend your day working on someone else’s dream when you can work on yours”. Have a bad day at work and seeing shit like that will have you drafting your resignation letter 😂. Don’t quit your main source of income to start or build your dream. Simply put…you’re probably going to need money to fund your dream/project. I’m still torn between peace of mind and income. What do y’all feel about quitting a job before you find a new one? We all know the obvious reasons why you shouldn’t, but is there an exception to those?

5. Money doesn’t buy happiness but it buys me things/experiences that can lead to happiness 😂 #morehunnits

6. Sometimes we outgrow things, situations and people. We fight it. It’s not easy to move on from those things that once made you happy.

7. I know when I start to care less about things (not related to #6)…my effort decreases.

8. Vacation can’t come fast enough…25 more days 😩.

9. This blog post is a representation of my overcrowded mind on most days lol.

10. I should be sleeping because I have something important to do in a few hours…but here I am. 

You’re doing great but…

The topic is a fruit I dislike and why.  I don’t want to write about this lol. I dislike watermelon because it’s 🚮. That’s all.

Anyway…today was a hectic day and it was a miracle I made it through because at times it was questionable. Today I told myself after stressing out of course,(hindsight is 20/20). “Do what you can and that will have to be it”. Some things aren’t worth stressing over. Some (most) things aren’t worth jeopardizing your well-being over.

Today I saw a tweet that said someone’s coworker passed away and less than 48 hours passed and they were clearing their desk off. Just a crazy reminder that sometimes we bend over backwards (pause) for people who wouldn’t do the same for us or who don’t have our best interest at heart.

I can go on and on about this. Sometimes you can be so on point and someone will still find a way to show you where you lack. Shit is crazy. Anyway, today I reminded myself about how important my well being and peace of mind is. Me first…them later. Change is coming.