*Disclaimer: I did not write this but I know the person who did and she gave me permission to share this with you 🙂.
Also…if you’re not old enough…close your eyes.
“Are you a male or female between the ages of 25-30 and think you have what it takes to be a bomb sex parter? If so, we’d love to hear from you! Just email your resume and a recent photo to onceyoupopthefundontstop@gmai…”
*record scratch**freeze frame*
Wouldn’t life be magical if it were this easy? Tuh! If only. Now listen, this is not to be confused with any talk of birds and bees, nor is it any sort of standard “Sexual DOs and DONTs” article. It’s more of a “This is something that I’ve thought about because I’ve experienced it firsthand and I didn’t know it was an issue but now it’s got me thinking about why it’s an issue and I’m going to talk about it and if you’re reading this and find that you fit the description of who or what I’m saying is the issue then you should probably rethink some things in your life” kind of read. That said, I’ll jump right into it.
Sex is fun. Sex is satisfying. Sex is pineapple pizza in human form. It is meant to be a most enjoyable experience but, unfortunately for some, that is not always the case. I had a conversation with bestie 1 of 4 not too long ago. We spoke about how this seemingly paradisal encounter between two people (minimum) has turned into a ‘every man for himself’ type of ordeal. When? Why? How now brown cow?
Sex is supposed to be pleasurable for all parties involved. When did it become about getting your nut and cutting out (the latter, a situational reference)?
Once upon a time, I was involved with someone. The sex was good…at first. Eventually our encounters were few and far between until ultimately I decided that I didn’t want to be involved with him any longer. The sex got boring for me. Disappointing, even. He never took the time to think about what I wanted to do or the things that I liked. In time I came to discover what he enjoyed most. Why? Because I took the time to explore. Pleasing him was pleasing me. But soon it became very apparent that he was in it for himself, and as long as I was hitting HIS spot, mine would remain undiscovered and untouched. So I had to pull the plug on a dying situation.
Truth is, you never really know what you’re in for until you actually find yourself in that situation, experiencing what it’s like to be with that other person. I know first hand that guys can talk a whole lot of ‘eggplant’ via text and then show up on the scene with the ‘NEG-plant.’ But we’ll save THAT discussion for another day. The fact is this: no one walks around with a resume exhibiting an extensive list of their sexual encounters. If that were the case, how easy it would be to just gloss over the “Objective” and “Skills” sections to determine the best candidate for fulfilling our wildest fantasies. But one thing that SHOULD be prominent in everyone’s carnal catalog is a simple desire to please the person you’re involved with, and a willingness to try new and different things for that desire to come to fruition. DO NOT be a selfish lover. Take a moment to think about what your partner likes. It’s satisfying (as well as attractive) knowing that your partner has YOU in mind and not just reaching his or her own sexual peak. It just makes for better chemistry. And better chemistry makes for better sex! And better sex, well…
That just might top pineapple pizza.