Stop

Trying to get over on people ‼️

Sometimes I get on my own self for not being cut throat, throwing people under the bus, or just trying to get over on general. Shit, everyone else is doing it right? I’ve had these things done to me, so why not return the favor?

Then I have to remind myself of who I am. I’m not that person that doesn’t want to see others win. I’m not the person that will step on others to get to where I need to be. I’m not that person that’s trying to get over on you and I’m not that person that’s going to kiss ass to get to where I want to be. 🤷🏽‍♀️. 

Sometimes I do feel like those characteristics are looked at as good (on the low). They just change the wording.. “she’s ambitious” or “she doesn’t let anything get in her way.”

Be great but not at the expense of others. I can win without putting someone else down. We definitely live in a society where it’s “me or you”. And sometimes that’s fucked up! 

I’ve always been told never let the things that have happened to me or happen to me change the person I am. Let me tell ya…that shit is hard. Hard being a team player when you’re around people that will throw you under the bus without a second thought. Hard being a hard worker when your work is overlooked or taken for granted. Hard being genuine or nice if your kindness is taken for a weakness. 

So what do you? Whatever the hell makes you happy. I choose to change my surroundings 🤷🏽‍♀️. I don’t want to be around people to who ambition means shitting on everyone else. Or that I have to compromise my morals or values to succeed. 

I have heard that you have to “play the game” sometimes, but know that there’s a difference between playing the game and losing yourself. 

There are people like me who still value genuine people and who you are as a person rather than what you have. I’m just saying. 

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Who you know

Can I talk my shit? Okay good. I’ve been so frustrated with this job search lately. I knew this already but it isn’t really What you know but who you know. They tell us we need to go to school, we need to do this training, we need this experience so that we can be more marketable. We do those things in one way or the other and guess what?… still nothing. 

I’ve been told I look good on paper 🤷🏽‍♀️. It looks to me like that doesn’t matter most times. If I’m being honest, I’ve gotten more jobs through someone I knew. My resume speaks for itself but you won’t take a look at it if someone doesn’t push it to you?

It’s frustrating to know you bust your ass only for someone to be able to “control” your future.  I’m also tired of being overworked and underpaid. Have you all looked at these job postings lately? Some of the salaries that are being offered are disgraceful. How are we supposed to survive and maintain on those salaries? Shit is sad. 

I have to vent because I don’t know whatelse can be done about this. Just know your worth and I’m going to take my own advice. Someone close to me told me I shouldn’t settle for less than I deserve just because I want a new job. 

In general we gotta stop being okay with being compensated the bare minimum. Your craft, your work, your effort…all of that is valuable. We gotta stop letting people devalue us. 

& shit I didn’t put myself in debt to be barely making it. Something gotta give 💁🏾. 

Family

Family…how many of us have one? (Lol)

What does family really mean? When you look it up, the definitions are: 1. “a group consisting of parents and children living together in a household” 🙄 and 2. “All the descendants of a common ancestor” 🙄🙄. I’m sure there are other definitions but those are the first two that came up for me 🤷🏽‍♀️. 

I cannot define what family means to anyone else but myself. We mostly hear positive things about families depending on the crowd. “Family over everything”, “Who needs friends when you have family” etc etc

I think as we get older what family means and the importance of family changes. To me family is more than a blood relative. Sometimes friends turn into family and to me sometimes that bond is even stronger 🤷🏽‍♀️. Think about an extended family member who you might pass the gravy to on a holiday versus a friend you consider your brother/sister who’s experienced many important life events with you. Which one is more of your family? That’s up to you to decide. 

Sometimes the word family comes with so many expectations. I always felt like the more expectations you have for people the easier it is to be let down. I know, I know 🙄. 

The reality is that just because someone is related to you doesn’t mean they are automatically loyal to you or that they automatically have your best interest at hand. That also goes for anyone in general though. Sometimes we have both families and friends close to you that don’t always have your best interest in mind. 

I definitely don’t want to downplay the importance of family. It should be family over everything (however you define family). I’m over the superficial ways though. Stop calling ppl your “bros” or “sis” even “auntie” or “uncle” if when you’re in some deep shit, you can’t turn to any of them. 

Check on your family and let them know they’re loved and appreciated. You never know what silent demons someone is battling. Give support when it’s needed, even if its not always asked for. Big them up when they’re on to something but let them know when they’re wrong. I promise you support goes a long way. 

Finding balance

So if you know me or if you’ve read previous post you know I don’t have the answers to anything (pretty much). A large part of me getting things together is trial and error (I hate that). Why isn’t there some kind of guidebook to life? I.E if you take that job you’ll be miserable or get into that relationship and you’ll gain 50lbs 😂. I’m just saying 🤷🏽‍♀️. I guess that would take away from the learning process but damn for someone like me, I like to, no need to know what I’m getting into before I get into it. 9 times out of 10 this isn’t the case. 

So what do you do? Refer to the beginning when I stated that I don’t have the answers (because I don’t). I’m just trying to stay afloat lol. Life is a balancing act. There’s no secret formula that will give you the perfect balance (all those wasted hours in math class for nothing), also is there even the “perfect balance” ?? 

I think it’s a myth. Every time you think you have something figured out life is like ha! You thought! Lol. I figured I’d do a little check in to remind you all that we are probably in the same boat and once again I don’t have the answers. If ever I figured this thing called life out, I won’t be stingy, I’ll share the answers. Until then…carry on 

I’m trying to make some significant changes in the next month or so (significant to me at least). I need and crave consistency and lately that has been missing from life.  

Shoutout to anyone that is starting a new venture or thinking about starting a new venture (do that shit!). The biggest thing for me right not is not settling for less than I deserve. Changes coming soon…

How much is enough?

I have so many thoughts about every thing that is going on in the world right now. Excuse me if this seems a little unorganized. 

Today on August 13, 2017, I feel like we have time traveled. We are taking steps backwards instead of advancing. 

BASIC Human Rights are being questioned and DENIED

Some of us can literally turn on the television or log onto social media and see people that look like us or that we can identify with being Murdered. 

How traumatic is it to know that people that you work with or come into close contact with on a daily basis harbor such hate in them for your being?

How crazy is it to know that nothing is being done to protect us? Why should we even need to be protected from these things in 2017?

What is even crazier is that people that were closeted or quiet racists, bigots etc now feel completely comfortable being so openly. No more hiding of faces or making slurs behind closed doors. 

It kills me because people are worried about explaining certain things to their children but how do you really explain America today to your child?

People may ask are you surprised? And to me that shouldn’t even be the question anymore. We shouldn’t have to get used to this society. We shouldn’t have to be overally cautious of being who we are. 

I’m overwhelmed. What the hell is the solution? What do we do? We are beyond conversations at this point. I shouldn’t have to convince you my life is equally as important. 

I’m still a firm believer in we are stronger and better together than we are apart. Stop making excuses for the injustices. Stop trying to fall in line to be accepted. 

I don’t have the answers. All of this is bigger than one individual. So I ask again…what do we do??

“I’ll f*** up a good thing if you let me.”

Back with the 4am thoughts. 

Self sabatoge is a real thing. You ever feel like something is too good to be true? I think we all have. When you feel like that we are often waiting for “the catch” or something negative to happen. Sometimes when we can’t see “the catch” or something negative doesn’t happen…we create it. 

Hear me out…

Sometimes we ask for something & we want it so bad! Then when we get it or it finally happens, we don’t know what to do. We have the deer in headlights look. What I have learned is that life and its experiences isn’t a “one size fits all” kinda thing. My actions and behaviors in one setting won’t necessarily apply or benefit me in other situations. When something causes us to change up how we would normally react it’s like we get nervous. We act out of uncertainty and doubt. Sometimes we don’t even notice it. 

We all know someone (even if it’s yourself), who has so much potential, the world is their oyster ( lol I’m not ever saying that again…it’s corny/cliche but you know what I mean), but yet they can’t advance. Advance in anything…personal, emotionally, financially, career wise, whatever. It’s mostly because they or we never thought we would be in this position. 

We spend all the time in the world fantasizing about having something but not enough time thinking about what we would do when we get it. A part of that is self doubt. I never thought I would achieve this or accomplish that, so I didn’t think about or plan what would come next. 

Self sabatoge is real! How you think and view yourself is one of the biggest determining factors on what you will accomplish. It matters none if everyone around you believes in you but you don’t believe in you. If you don’t believe you can or should have something, why would you ever think about what to do when you got it?

I’m 100% my biggest critic. If you don’t think you’re good enough for something, you’re not going to be good enough for it. Our thoughts directly influence our actions. That being said…let’s be mindful of how we think and the vibes we put out. Be confident in you, your abilities and your adaptability. Just because it’s not something you’re used to doesn’t mean you can’t get used to it or handle it. Stop looking for something to go wrong or you just mind end up creating “the wrong”. Appreciate things for what they are. 

You can want the world for someone but it won’t matter if they don’t want the same for themselves. So many times we offer advice and encouragement to people based on what we think will better their situation. Unfortunately some people only learn the hard way. Sometimes we try to save someone from experiencing what we’ve experienced, or someone we know has experienced. “Don’t save em’, they don’t wanna be saved”

Most disappointment comes from expecting something for or from someone that they can’t see themselves doing. This post isn’t meant to be a Debbie downer, more of a reality check. Sometimes people have to go through something in order to grow through it. We need to respect that. Everyone has their own path and sometimes that means they’re not going to the “conventional” way. 

Sometimes I find myself getting so frustrated with this. But…that’s when you have to ask yourself “did I do all I could do?” I’m not here to tell anyone what to do or how to do it. I’m just here to offer help and advice when it’s asked for.